Hiko--Live
by Escada Konrad
Summary: A brief look into the life of aHitenmitsurugi Ryu swordsman...


Disclaimer  
  
All rights and privileges to Rurouni Kenshin belong to  
  
Nobuhiro Watsuki, Shuiesha, Sony Music Entertainment, and other  
  
related parties. The characters of this story are used without  
  
permission for the purpose of entertainment only. This work of  
  
fiction is not meant for sale or profit. Please don't sue.  
  
______________________________________________________________________  
  
A Parody  
  
______________________________________________________________________  
  
Narrator: Welcome to yet another episode of "Lifestyles of Extra  
  
ordinary People"  
  
Hiko Seijuro the thirteenth master of Hitenmitsurugi ryu, he has  
  
been living in is own secluded little hut For a long time, and will  
  
most probably do so for the rest of the duration of his life.  
  
Ever wonder, why Hiko chose pottery above any other forms of  
  
craftsmanship and arts, like visual arts perhaps, oh well . . . anyway  
  
his choice of this pottery making thingy will be explained later in  
  
this episode.  
  
Hiko has an unexplainable passion for sake, he just cannot get  
  
through a day without sake, as a matter of fact he uses sake as a water  
  
replacement, it has been observed that he never drinks water. He also  
  
practices meditation, he does this mostly for hours and hours, either  
  
day or night. Every now and then he would pull a handful of some kind  
  
of powder from a pouch that he keeps beside him, and throws it in the  
  
fire, creating white smoke, which slowly scatters and dissipates in  
  
the room. . .  
  
Hiko: Aaaaaaaah. . . . . . . . powdered sake. . . .  
  
Narrator: He only stays in his own secluded little hut, as we have  
  
mentioned earlier, except for his periodic replenishing of his sake  
  
supply. (Doesn't he make it himself? Maybe, but this is my fic) This  
  
event takes place at least twice a month.  
  
Hiko now gathers ten of his best pots and some extras, ties them  
  
together, throws it over his shoulder, and he is all set, now he makes  
  
his way to town.  
  
People greet him as he walks through town. Sometimes he would even  
  
stop to play with the children.(Cute isn't it?)  
  
Mother of child: Look mister Hiko is here why don't you go out and  
  
play with him.  
  
Narrator: This happens most of the time, why, when he's in a good  
  
mood he distributes pots to people, free, . . . .and so it comes to  
  
pass, Hiko has now made his way to the sake shop.  
  
Shop owner: Well, if it isn't Hiko my best costumer, so you need  
  
to buy more sake huh? Ran out already? Heh he he he. . . . .  
  
Hiko: Well yes, so I'll trade the usual, three of my pots for a  
  
pot of sake.  
  
Shop owner: And of course I'll give you my usual discount, that'll  
  
be two pots of sake for five of your genuine "Hiko made pots".  
  
Hiko: there ten pots. . . .  
  
Shop owner: and here's your sake . . . . . well, nice doing  
  
business with you.  
  
*SLAM* the shop owner shuts his store and a signs reads "closed  
  
for the day".  
  
Narrator: The shop owner shuts his shop just as Hiko's eyes  
  
narrowed when he got to hold his sake. This protective behavior seems  
  
to be triggered every time he gets a new supply of sake.  
  
A dog walks by and sniffs at Hiko's leg's  
  
Hiko: What's this evil that manifests itself at my leg! What?!  
  
After my sake? Aaargh. . .  
  
Now the dog can be seen flying through the air. A man sees this  
  
and runs as fast as he can ahead of Hiko.  
  
Man: HIKO IS CARRYING SAKE! HIDE THE CHILDREN! HIDE IN YOUR  
  
HOUSES!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!! Aaaeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee  
  
Narrator: Now as we have observed Hiko's hostile reaction to  
  
anything that poses a threat to his sake, we watch him walk through  
  
the deserted streets, good thing everybody knows how Hiko is, huh,  
  
what's this? Oh no.  
  
Tourist: Yo man, hows it today, it's like I just wanna ask, um,  
  
ya know, directions, say watchu got there, sake huh? Hey man like I  
  
als. . .  
  
Hiko: What? What vile treachery is this? Are you talking to me?  
  
Are you making fun of my sake? Well?  
  
Tourist: Huh? I. . .  
  
Hiko: of course you're talking to me. Who else could you be  
  
talking to. How, . . wait you must be after my sake. Of course you  
  
are, we have just met and this is how you act. You are after my SAKE!  
  
Tourist: r-r-r-re-rel-l-lax man, I ain't after your sake.  
  
Hiko: you think you can sway me with your lies, you are after my  
  
sake, you, YOU. . . .  
  
Tourist: m-m-mom-m-my  
  
Narrator: In a flash, Hiko drew his sword, and at the same time  
  
placed his sake safely on the ground. It's the amakakeru ryu no  
  
hirameki, Eww, his entrails are showing and he is flying through the  
  
air, Hiko appears to have calculated him not to be cut in half, ack!  
  
It's the nine-headed dragon thrust, ohh!  
  
Well that ends it. The clean up crew will gather his body parts later.  
  
And there goes Hiko on his way back to his own little hut.  
  
Hiko: grumble...grumble...  
  
Narrator: Hiko sometimes also experiences sleepwalking, though  
  
this rarely occurs, this usually deals with sake. More seldom is that  
  
it is a bad dream. For a more specific example, we will follow him  
  
tonight, from a very safe distance of course. Now before we continue,  
  
we will be back after these messages....  
  
***  
  
***  
  
Narrator: Now were back, as of now we are watching Hiko as he  
  
leaves the hut, and this looks bad he is carrying his katana. Oh! Now  
  
he runs with super god speed towards town. So there is no point in  
  
staying around here. We shall move our equipment into town......  
  
From where we are situated we can see Hiko as he runs back and  
  
forth in the streets, good thing that everybody is asleep, otherwise  
  
the streets would be full of either dead or incapacitated bodies.  
  
Hiko: (while running in the streets in super god speed) no! no!  
  
NO! your not getting my sake...nooOO  
  
Suddenly a man came out walking from the shadows, he is wearing a  
  
hat, and for some strange reason he has an irritating grin stuck on  
  
his face.  
  
Mysterious man: HeheHee....  
  
Narrator: A strange man wearing a hat that has a strange grin  
  
stuck on his face has come out from the shadows, and now has come into  
  
plain view to Hiko (as if he is awake), Hiko stopped running around,  
  
oh may the heavens have mercy on this man wearing a hat with a  
  
strangely irritating grin on his face..  
  
Hiko: ....  
  
Man w/ hat and strange grin: he he hee...  
  
Hiko: ...  
  
Man w/ hat and strange grin: ....  
  
Hiko: ...  
  
Man w/ hat and strange grin: hey... what are you looking at...  
  
Hiko: ....you....  
  
Man w/ hat and strange grin: ....  
  
Hiko: ...you are after my sake!!!!  
  
Man w/ hat and strange grin: huh!?....(sweat drop)  
  
Hiko: YOU ARE AFTER MY SAKE!! PREPARE TO DIE!!!!  
  
Man w/ hat and strange grin: he he hee...  
  
Narrator: Hiko charges in with deadly precision, wow even with  
  
Hiko's skill this man seems to have enough skill to block Hiko's  
  
attacks, even if it means using both his swords (he is carrying two).  
  
And yes, we have information about this man, the one with the hat  
  
and the strange grin stuck on his face, his name is ...hey what's  
  
this ...Jineh? Uh yes,...his name is Jineh, poor man.  
  
Hiko: hyaaa....  
  
Jineh: he he heee  
  
Narrator: Hmmm, Hiko seems to have given up, he jumped back and  
  
ceased his attacks. Both of them are still standing and unscratched,  
  
...we have a movement, wait! What is this Hiko is running away?  
  
C'mon crew let's follow him, HEY!! Watch out for that........  
  
KZZZZT(static)  
  
Narrator: Sorry for the temporary halt of our broadcast, we  
  
experienced some technical difficulties, we followed Hiko's trail  
  
to.....hmmm isn't this the Sagara residence, and the wall lays in  
  
splinters, ...and look there is Sanosuke Sagara.....eew  
  
(Sanosuke's head is smashed into the floor and is mumbling mostly  
  
incoherent words)  
  
Sano: duh...th...chik...en...mommy ...I ...don't ...wanna go to  
  
schoo.... Toda....what hit......me...(more mumbling)  
  
Narrator: Well, it seems that nothing important is taking place  
  
here let's find Hiko again.....  
  
Narrator: Look, there's Jineh walking down the street, huh?...  
  
[rumble rumble rumble](the ground is shaking)  
  
Jineh: (turns around to look) he he, WHAT IN HELL's NAME...  
  
Hiko come in charging in with the Zanbat raised over Jineh's  
  
head, [BLAM]  
  
Hiko: dragon hammer! [BLAM]  
  
Jineh: aaargh  
  
Hiko: rising dragon! [BLAM]  
  
Jineh: eeeeEEARgh  
  
Hiko: Kuzu ryu zen!! [BLAM times 9]  
  
Jineh: EEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaarrgh (blood curdling scream)  
  
Hiko: Amakakeru ryu no hirameki!!! [KABLAM]  
  
Jineh: UUUUuuwaaah...EEEEEEEeeeeeeeaaaaaaaargh  
  
Narrator: (dead pale) uh, Mr. Writer? Isn't this overkill....?  
  
Hiko jumps to a rooftop and holds his cape  
  
Hiko: LEARN! EVIL DOER!! Or you will be Hikoed by the "HIKO"  
  
(jumps away) Mwahahahahahaa...(laughter fades into the night)  
  
Narrator: Luckily Jineh is still alive..... or maybe he was better  
  
off dead.  
  
Jineh's ribs are all broken, his arms are dislocated and he is  
  
carrying his liver in his hands, not to mention that he is dragging  
  
the Zanbat still stuck in his leg.  
  
Narrator: Well that about covers all for tonight, so...huh?! What  
  
was that?  
  
[rumble]...[rumble]...[rumble]...  
  
Narrator: oh please, don't let it be...  
  
Sanosuke: (steam coming out of his ears and with blood clot eyes)  
  
haaah...haah...you can take my shoes,... you can take my... jacket,...  
  
you can call me rooster head, I'll forgive you... BUT TAKE MY ZANBAT  
  
WILL YOU!!!! AAAAAAAARGGH!!!!  
  
Jineh: (turns pale, or maybe it's because of loss of blood)  
  
n.n...noo....mom..my.....  
  
He tries to run away, pitifully dragging the Zanbat. Sano catches  
  
him and...  
  
Sano: FUTAE NO KIWAMI!!!  
  
[the ultimate BLAM]  
  
Narrator: Well folks that about concludes this weeks episode of  
  
"Lifestyles of Extraordinary People" See you next week, same time,  
  
same station.  
  
***  
  
Man: Hey, Yumi stop shaking the floor will you...  
  
Wife: What? I thought it was you...  
  
Man: oh forget it, lets just get some sleep.  
  
***  
  
Sano: This is for my dog...[BLAM]  
  
Sano: This is for my, uh,... wall...[BLAM]  
  
Jineh: felleaaaaseshtaaafaaa....ghaaa  
  
Sano: Hey!! don't you sware at me!! [BLAM] 


End file.
